


Poor Decisions

by daddyfieri



Category: Sword Art Online, Sword Art Online Abridged
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Original Character(s), aw hell yea, awful writing, double the sue, here comes trouble, i like boobs, im sorry if my everything makes you want to die, im very new to this lmao, low key bisexual, make it double, not a lotta the mains from the actual show hopefully lololol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 03:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7997443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daddyfieri/pseuds/daddyfieri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So far, idk where I'm going with this, I just felt like writing this,, and I had been planning to for a while.</p><p>Actual summary coming soon??</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poor Decisions

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [SAO Abridged Parody (Playlist)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/228151) by Something Witty Entertainment: (Takahata101, Sonicring123, Hayabusa449, Jragoswinn, and YamatoSFX). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally, the beginning idk what else to tell you.

I sat there on the edge of my bed, with clammy shaking hands and my stomach doing summersaults. ‘ _This is it_ ’, was all I could repeat in my head, which had been adorned with a NerveGear helmet. The clock on the inside of my visor read 13:05 - it had been an hour since I returned home; however, my father didn’t allow me to use my new goodies until after I had cleaned up my room and completed my homework.

But this was it. All these years of dreaming of this very moment - it was _amazing._

After what felt like an eternity ( _which, it really had been. I waited three goddamn days in line to get this game_ ) I laid down on my bed and felt a small smile creep onto my face as I yelled out -

“Link, start!”

Suddenly, the view of my ceiling fan faded to a white scenery, with bright colors flying all around my field of view. Several small bubbles popped up along with a login window. _‘A username, huh? I didn’t think I’d actually get this far…’_

So, naturally, I chose the first thing that came to mind. PussiMeister. Fitting. For a virgin, anyway.

After going through that, I was finally brought to the character creation screen. There was currently a blonde haired male avatar in front of me, but oh boy, I was most certainly not going to play a male in a virtual reality MMO. This was basically real life, which meant I got to have firsthand experience with female assets, _without_ having an actual girlfriend.

The avatar I created ended up being short, curvy, green-eyed, along with long black hair down to her butt. My perfect dream girl, basically. After exiting the character creator, my vision faded to black for a few seconds before I spawned in the world of Aincrad.

_Thump._

_Thump._

I blinked a few times and stared down towards my feet, my eyes gazing at my hands as I curled and uncurled them, and then drew a smirk across my face as I admired my chest. Finally, I managed to look up and then let out a long groan, along with several players next to me. ADs. I paid actual money for this game, and yet I had to _BUY_ an AD blocker DLC? Sighing, I started walking away from the spawn point and went to explore the city, and maybe even actually fight something, since I had been curious about how combat in this would feel.

* * *

#### A few hours later, after literally almost getting killed by a boar and watching a guy throw a pebble at a boar

##### Nov. 6, 2022 Floor 1: Town of Beginnings

* * *

I wandered around the market for a bit, selling the small amount of drops I had accumulated from the west field, and searching for a better weapon to use. So far I'd been using a basic sword and shield, but I was looking into switching the sword out for a one-handed axe instead, just to be a little bit different. Suddenly, I was met with the back of a tall guy, and I _almost_ regretted making my avatar so short. He turned around to face me, a group of girls standing in front of him; however, they continued to gush over him as he began speaking to me.

"Hey there! Did you need something?" He asked, his deep brown eyes gazed at my face as he spoke. I stood there for a moment, admiring his avatar's design. He was tall, with messy reddish-brown hair and lightly tanned skin.

"Eh- no, sorry. I was walking and wasn't paying attention to where I was going... Vilanni?" I replied, looking above the guy's head to read his nametag.

"Ah, that's alright. Not very often a pretty lady bumps into me, though, a rare treat." Vilanni smirked.

_Jesus christ almighty, there was no way in hell that some random GUY was actually HITTING ON ME in a VIRTUAL REALITY MMORPG? Really, the entire situation was ridiculous._

"Um.... Right.... Anyways, I need to log out about now, since I have to make dinner and stuff for my me and my dad, so..." I trailed off, desperately wanting out of the situation I had walked into.

"That's fine, I was about to get off as well. Can I send you a friend request?" he asked me, and I nodded my head and accepted the request. _I'm sure he can't actually be that bad..._

With a wave of my hand, the in-game menu pulled up and I navigated through the screens to the log-out button; but... it was blank. I turned around and looked at Vilanni, who seemed to be having the same issue.

"I mean, it is the game's first day out of beta, so there are bound to be a few bugs... but I'm not too sure about a missing log-out button...." I mumbled, and he simply nodded his head. Then, all of the sudden, a blue light warped everyone to the main plaza as a bell rung loudly in the distance.

Vilanni and I were stood in a group of what appeared to be all of the players in the game, but I overheard the conversation between the two guys next to us.

"No, why?" the dark haired man asked, staring at a scraggly looking redhead.

"What the hell is that?" the redhead gestured towards the flashing hexagon in the air, which seemed to have caught everyone else's attention as well.

"Well, Ballsy, I believe the locals call it a... hexagon? not sure if I'm pronouncing that correctly, I'll have to check back with you."

"F**k off." _I didn't realize this game had a profanity filter, that's awful._

My attention had then been fully turned to the literal _bleeding sky_ above all of us, as it morphed into a game master.

"Ladies and gentlemen. I am Kayaba Akihiko, head programmer. Welcome to the unparalleled online experience that is... Sword Art Online." the figure boomed above the square. However, he had been interrupted by the majority of the players trying to auction off and sell items amongst each other.

"Hello, hel-hello. Um, hello! People! Kinda talking here. Focus. Kay, I'm just gonna go ahead and disable general chat h-." in which he'd muted his own microphone, causing the majority of the crowd to giggle. "Alright, I just realized what happened there. It's very funny, but right now, serious time. How many of you have seen Tron?"

Silence.

"Eh? Eh? What, seriously? None of you have seen Tron? Sh*t, I was really banking on that. Okay, okay, no problem. I can wing this."

"Much like the World of Warcraft, none of you are here by choice anymore. Unlike WoW, however, you are being held here by me, not by your need to escape your empty f**king lives. There is no longer any way to log out of Sword Art Online; if someone on the outside attempts to log you out by removing your NerveGear.... Well, has anyone seen Scanners?"

Again, another wave of complete silence.

"Scanners. It's a movie that- Seriously? Okay, give me a sec. Alright, here we go. Watch this:" Kayaba pulled up a short clip, which showed a man's head exploding. "Okay, that was from Scanners. And basically that."

And just like that, the players had realized that they were in legitimate danger... or.... somewhat...

"Okay, finally seeing some gears turning. We're making progress."

"Why would you do such a thing!" a man in the back yelled.

"Steven? Steven, is that you? Steeeveenn, how are you enjoying that advanced copy?" Kayaba asked.

"I'm playing with my family!"

Kayaba laughed and then replied "That's right. Happy birthday, Timmy!"

Timmy started crying, loudly.

"Ah, they grew up so fast. Cherish these moments, Steven. Cherish these moments. So as I was saying, the only way to keep the NerveGear from going all Gallagher on your grey matter is to make your way through Castle Aincrad and beat Sword Art Online."

"So, you want us to beat an MMO?" someone in back questioned.

"Essentially."

"F**k you!"

"Whoooaaa getting a lot of hostility here. Don't appreciate it."

"Well honestly, when was the last time you heard of someone beating EverQuest?" the man asked.

"When was the last time you heard of someone playing EverQuest?" Kayaba shot back.

"That's fair." he had finished.

"Anywho, for all you guys who wanted to play as girls, and you know who you are," _well, shit_ "well, I've got a surprise for you!"

All of the players had forcefully opened their inventories, which contained a new item that was simply a mirror, however... after looking into the mirror...

I sighed upon seeing myself staring back. Messy, brown wavy hair with an undercut, and boring reddish-brown eyes and pale skin reflected off the item. And thus, around 75% of the girls standing around me became men. However, the most interesting part was the fact that Vilanni had actually turned out to be a girl, strangely enough.

"You're not a girl!" a middle-aged man yelled out.

"And you're not seventeen!" another younger man yelled.

"I'm okay with this."

"Me, too!"

" **LOVE. KNOWS. NO. GENDER. **"****

"You look so... young.." Balls said to the dark haired kid.

"And you look less hairy, Balls." he retorted.

"My name is Klein."

The kid chuckled, "No it's not."

"As you can see, I have peeled away your petty facades and revealed you for what you truly are: Fairly attractive twenty-somethings. Apparently. Good for you, Kind of undermines the whole 'cold light of day' thing I had planned. But, still. Way to break down stereotypes. Except you, Fatty. Way to bring down the curve. Oh oh oh, one more thing, one more thing. I should probably mention if your health points reach zero, your real bodies perish as well." Kayaba continued, nearly done with his speech.

 

"What?" someone yelled.

 

"Aah, okay. If you die in the game, you die for real."

 

**"What?"**

 

"Really? Okay," he cleared his throat, " _Sometimes_ , things are born. They _live_ , and then they _stop_. **_Forever._** " 

 

_**"What?"** _

 

Kayaba sighed exasperatedly, and then pulled up the same clip from Scanners he had shown a few minutes before.

Loud gasps erupted through the crowd, and several people screamed, "Oh my God!" If we die in the game, we die for real!"

 

"Yeah, I'm just gonna keep that tabbed. And with that, I bid you all adieu. Oh, last thing, I swear."

The sound of the beautiful 90's dial-up internet was heard as he began to teleport away.

"I disabled the profanity filter. Have fun with thaaaaaaaaaaaat!" With a simple pop, Kayaba Akihiko had disappeared and so had all the polygons in the sky.

 

All the players in the crowd were silent, the danger hanging over their heads, and no one had moved an inch for what felt like an eternity.

 

**"WE'RE FUCKED!"**

 

And with those words, the whole plaza went crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking time to read this!! I might be updating more soon but I'm not sure yet I just wanted to test out how ao3 works and so far I like it!

**Author's Note:**

> Congrats you have made it through the first chapter of this hell!!!1!
> 
> I just wanna say that some of the lines are from Sword Art Online Abridged so if this seems a little weirder than usual, that's why!!!!!!!!
> 
> Also, that's why I'll probably get sued!!!!!!!! So this might change a little or not idk yet but for now it's gonna be the funny weird version of the dialogue.


End file.
